Watch out for Your Pen

       Choices......they form an important dimension that could be used in defining us. We can show how amazing we are, how unique and how creative. It reflects our preferences, thoughts and personality. And so, in my opinion, we should be only proud of things we choose. Cuz if you thought about it, you'd find that it is all we, humans, can do...to choose. And unfortunately, we don't always have this precious opportunity to do so.

       I entered many discussions (or shall I say fought in many discussions!) and lent my ears to others. Some people claim that family has the largest share in forming our characters, passions and so choices. I agree with those people in the presence of a correlation between an individual's character and his family members'. But it is less likely to affect his choices and if it did sometimes it is in the opposite direction like the one who have become so social, while his parents are trying to limit his social interaction, and the one who doesn't control his money expenditure, because his parents are so miserly. However, the exact family role is controversial,  mainly because many other factors get into, but let's come into an intersecting point. Everybody agrees a family has a role in everybody's life and everybody also agrees that it doesn't play the 100% role. So we can say it is partially affective, some place between 0 and 100.

       Many People are proud of their achievements others are proud of what their family achievements because they somehow contributed in them. But some people go far, I know many people who are proud because their grand grandfather was "famous". Even further, I know some people are very proud what their grandfather did from 7000 years did. Hosssssssssh don't tell anybody about that , PLEASE!

        But when are choices annoying? when should they cause regression ? I like to think about the process of choosing not as an exam of choosing correctly but an exam of a choosing methodology. They are not the same. I don't blame myself for choosing the wrong choice, but I blame myself to choose wrongly. Sometimes you can't even judge the choice because you didn't try the substitute and in many times I have discovered that decisions that I regarded them as one the worst decision I ever took indeed one of the best!

        Life is a book we read. It is almost full but there are small number of empty spaces. you choose what you want to write in them.  Don't be responsible for things you didn't write they are not here to rate your performance, but rather to make the story more interesting! And always remember, watch out for your pen, do your best and don't worry.

A New Life

   "Free you are!" my mother said in the last day of high school exams in the middle of a long conversation. I couldn't define the nature of the statement, the words are simple but the tone was so weird. I thought may be I was just worried and taking everything seriously before the exam. I tried to continue, but I am close enough to my mother to know she was serious. My mother was looking straight into my eyes, staring with wonder, but I couldn't see hers, that black glasses!
 
   You would probably wonder why I didn't ask her, but believe me it was hard, somethings are supposed to be understood without talking especially in close relationships. She pointed out more freedom in future but questions flowed in the opposite direction. Did she mean I have been handcuffed from the stupid education system? or did she feel young age has someway restrained my passions or limited my thoughts? And if so, was I conned in the past 14 years of education thinking I am free?

   I took some moments re-evaluating my life. I tried to call the first day in kindergarten, but telepathy was faster. My mother continued, "Remember kindergarten, you hated to go and mostly you used kindergarten for sleeping and eating and you did all the work in home!", yea right! I really love how I was independent since the earliest memory, but I was still trying to get her point. She proceeded "and in the first day, I came with you and I kept explaining how you would begin a new phase in your life, and here I come with you again...in its end", and she gave a modest smile.

   Obviously, she didn't aim to tell me I finished high school, but she wanted me to define the next phase myself. It seems this relates to the freedom thing. My mother stopped talking and left me some space for the usual day dreaming. I moved the tape forward and I remembered how I had the chance to decide doing extracurricular activities although it would affect my school scores. It was not a decision of an act it was rather the action plan of a life style, to do whatever I think is suitable. I think I had the chance to choose and I think choice has succeeded in making me alive . Then should I expect a new level of independence and freedom?

   I began to think in  a different way, my mother didn't mean "freedom" may be she meant something close...something accompanied to freedom like joy for instance. I retook a look into my mums face, I realized she wanted me to start planning and alert me for more "responsibility" in the next period of my life. My curious mind couldn't stop forming a picture in the future, a picture of the challenges, my feelings and my new adaptations, but however the picture will be, I am waiting.......with bated breath.