"Free you are!" my mother said in the last day of high school exams in the middle of a long conversation. I couldn't define the nature of the statement, the words are simple but the tone was so weird. I thought may be I was just worried and taking everything seriously before the exam. I tried to continue, but I am close enough to my mother to know she was serious. My mother was looking straight into my eyes, staring with wonder, but I couldn't see hers, that black glasses!
You would probably wonder why I didn't ask her, but believe me it was hard, somethings are supposed to be understood without talking especially in close relationships. She pointed out more freedom in future but questions flowed in the opposite direction. Did she mean I have been handcuffed from the stupid education system? or did she feel young age has someway restrained my passions or limited my thoughts? And if so, was I conned in the past 14 years of education thinking I am free?
I took some moments re-evaluating my life. I tried to call the first day in kindergarten, but telepathy was faster. My mother continued, "Remember kindergarten, you hated to go and mostly you used kindergarten for sleeping and eating and you did all the work in home!", yea right! I really love how I was independent since the earliest memory, but I was still trying to get her point. She proceeded "and in the first day, I came with you and I kept explaining how you would begin a new phase in your life, and here I come with you again...in its end", and she gave a modest smile.
Obviously, she didn't aim to tell me I finished high school, but she wanted me to define the next phase myself. It seems this relates to the freedom thing. My mother stopped talking and left me some space for the usual day dreaming. I moved the tape forward and I remembered how I had the chance to decide doing extracurricular activities although it would affect my school scores. It was not a decision of an act it was rather the action plan of a life style, to do whatever I think is suitable. I think I had the chance to choose and I think choice has succeeded in making me alive . Then should I expect a new level of independence and freedom?
I began to think in a different way, my mother didn't mean "freedom" may be she meant something close...something accompanied to freedom like joy for instance. I retook a look into my mums face, I realized she wanted me to start planning and alert me for more "responsibility" in the next period of my life. My curious mind couldn't stop forming a picture in the future, a picture of the challenges, my feelings and my new adaptations, but however the picture will be, I am waiting.......with bated breath.
You would probably wonder why I didn't ask her, but believe me it was hard, somethings are supposed to be understood without talking especially in close relationships. She pointed out more freedom in future but questions flowed in the opposite direction. Did she mean I have been handcuffed from the stupid education system? or did she feel young age has someway restrained my passions or limited my thoughts? And if so, was I conned in the past 14 years of education thinking I am free?
I took some moments re-evaluating my life. I tried to call the first day in kindergarten, but telepathy was faster. My mother continued, "Remember kindergarten, you hated to go and mostly you used kindergarten for sleeping and eating and you did all the work in home!", yea right! I really love how I was independent since the earliest memory, but I was still trying to get her point. She proceeded "and in the first day, I came with you and I kept explaining how you would begin a new phase in your life, and here I come with you again...in its end", and she gave a modest smile.
Obviously, she didn't aim to tell me I finished high school, but she wanted me to define the next phase myself. It seems this relates to the freedom thing. My mother stopped talking and left me some space for the usual day dreaming. I moved the tape forward and I remembered how I had the chance to decide doing extracurricular activities although it would affect my school scores. It was not a decision of an act it was rather the action plan of a life style, to do whatever I think is suitable. I think I had the chance to choose and I think choice has succeeded in making me alive . Then should I expect a new level of independence and freedom?
I began to think in a different way, my mother didn't mean "freedom" may be she meant something close...something accompanied to freedom like joy for instance. I retook a look into my mums face, I realized she wanted me to start planning and alert me for more "responsibility" in the next period of my life. My curious mind couldn't stop forming a picture in the future, a picture of the challenges, my feelings and my new adaptations, but however the picture will be, I am waiting.......with bated breath.
